Work and Stuff
by sunnymadden
Summary: An annoyed Roseanne gives a little insight to her everyday life.
1. Chapter 1

"Ah, this place will be the death of me yet," I think to myself.

Here I am in Rodbell's, or as I affectionatley call it, Hell. I got stuck working a 12 hour shift on my Saturday off. Bonnie got the stomach bug and Judy, the waitress that's only been here a week, is an even bigger slacker then I am. Who knew that was possible? Karma, Leon, Karma! Or is it my karma? I'm not sure, I'm getting a taste of how annoying it is not to get any help. Thanks for nothing, Jude!

"Oh, God, mom's still here," I heard a familiar voice groan.

It was my daughter, Becky. She came slouching in with her friends, Dana Hudson and Jennifer McWhorter. Yeah, McWhore is what Jennifer's last name oughta be. I've heard stories about her and I don't like the fact that Becky is hanging out with this floozy.

"Why, Rebecca Courtney Conner, my lovely little girl," I say to embarrass the crap out of her.

"Ooh, middle name dropping, Beck," says Jennifer giving my daughter the "jerk smirk".

"Mom, I told you never to use my full name in public!" She's getting as red as her new blouse she's wearing. I'm loving it.

"Although, your sister should have had that middle name you know, as in that basketball court she's always on," I drabble on grabbing onto her shoulders and giving them a very annoying squeeze.

"That's enough, mom."

"Her middle name is Kerry. Would have been better for you since you love to just "carry on" all the time!"

"I do not carry on! I just want to be left alone!"

"Well, why do come in here then?" That stumps her. She's fuming while her friends just stand there wide-eyed.

"Whatever, c'mon girls, I'm not very hungry anymore!" She storms out of the diner with Jennifer and Dana gladly following her out the door.

"Miss?"

"What?" I snap at the snooty woman as I snap out of my trance.

"Can I get some coffee, decaf?" She asks holding out her cheap, plastic black mug so I can grab it.

"I'll get right on it," I say less than cheerful. I check out the clock while I pour the woman's coffee. Five o'clock. Okay only four more hours. I can do this, I got to keep positive. Yet, there is one thing that is making me happy, the fact that my daughter can go home and eat crappier food at home!


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Honey," Dan says to me as soon as I walk in the door. I can see the crack of his butt, he should really pull his pants up.

"Hey, Dan," I go over and wrap my arms around my man. I could die in his arms right now. He always makes me feel so good.

"Tough day?"

"Yeah, didn't Becky squawk about what a terrible mother I am?"

"Only for the one hundred thousandth time in her life. I can just block her out now."

"Good," I just have to laugh at that one. Dan's pretty good at lifting the mood up sometimes. I leave the living room with a smile on my face as we both still have our arms wrapped aroud each other. I love when I come home late at night and we have quiet moments to ourselves.

"By the way Crystal called," he says as we reach our bedroom. He flips on the switch as I begin to tear off my god-awful uniform.

"Oh, God, who did she sleep and not keep now?"

'I don't know," I look over at Dan to see him rolling his eyes.

"Well," I continue as I unfasten my bra and notice Dan still has his eyes on my chest. Still fascinated by my boobs after all these years. I get a kick out of that. "I don't know which is funnier Dan. The fact that she thinks I have time to be her therapist or the fact that she thinks I care?"

"I don't know," Dan repeats.

"Feel free to stop staring now," I say slipping my nightgown over my head. I can see the disappointment in Dan's eyes.

"Oh come on, Babe," he says taking me in his arms and starts rocking me back and forth. "You know we haven't done much of anything in a while."

"Yeah," I say breaking his hug."Well you're just gonna have to wait one more night or two because I am clonked out."

"Awwwh," he grumbles. "I was hopin'."

"Well, keep hopin," I say rolling the covers down. "I love you Dan but I just can't do it tonight."

"Well," he says giving up and hopping into bed with me. "I'll still love you in the morning. Just give me one last kiss."

Of course! I start out with a peck but then I dig deep so we are frenching. I'm good like that. I can tell Dan's big balls of fire are a blazing.

"That's mean," he says giving me a playful pout when the kiss is over.

"Well," I say rolling over, not giving him anything anymore. "You shouldn't have married a mean girl."

I once again go to bed feeling like a winner.


	3. Chapter 3

I slept like a rock that night. It was a beautiful eight hours of rest. I wish every night was like that. I woke up at nine o'clock and smiled at the fact that I had this day off and didn't have to do a damn thing if I didn't want to. Perhaps I should make breakfast? Nah, I bought cereal the other day. Maybe laundry? Yeah, maybe. I'm sure Darlene's got clothes on the floor with mold on 'em.

I roll out of bed and walk upstairs to get the girl's clothes. Eh, I don't want to do this. But I have to do what I got to do, I guess. I knock on the door and hope I don't disturb them if they are still asleep.

"Darlene? Becky?" I whisper as I open the door. They are not in their beds. I hear the shower running so I know at least one of them is here. Sure enough there is a pile of dirty clothes in the middle of the floor. I scoop them up and get out.

I go into D.J's room to find his dirty clothes in the middle of his floor. Damn! Can't these kids have the decency to put their clothes in the hamper? Such slobs, God!

I run down the stairs with my hands full of laundry and head to the wash room. I meet D.J at the kitchen table to find him digging into the cereal. At least my kids can feed themselves, I suppose.

"Good morning, D.J," I say on my way through the kitchen.

"Hey, Mom," he says back.

"What's up today?"

"I'm going to play with Todd later."

"Oh, well you guys behave. I better not find out later that you two have been hanging around the construction sights again."

"Okay."

"You're a good boy," I say as I finally make my way to the washer. Looking through the window, I see Darlene walk into the kitchen with a towel wrapped around her head. She was the one in the shower. I wonder where Becky is? I throw in the laundry detergent and go back into the kitchen to see what is going on.

"Where's Becky, Darlene?"

"Well, good morning to you too, Mom," she gives me a sarcastic tongue as she pours himself a bowl of cereal and milk.

"Hey, none of that sarcastic crap, Dar. Your sister's been a real stinker lately and I want to know where she is."

"Don't worry," she says with a mouthful of food. "She's over at Dana's house. She spent the night over there."

"How come your father never told me that?" I pretty much ask myself out loud.

"Dad was blocking her out. I can tell, he gets that stupid look on his face and just says 'uh-huh','uh-huh', over and over until she leaves and then asks me what she said."

"I see. Are you doing anything today?"

"Yeah, me and some of my girls from the team are going to the park to practice shooting hoops. Can you bring me?"

"Sure."

What would my kids do without me?


	4. Chapter 4

"Oh, I just don't know how I just keep letting myself get into this situation, Roseanne," Crystal says as she cries into the phone.

Why did I pick up the phone? I knew it was going to be her crying and bellyaching at me. I didn't forget Dan's warning last night.

"Well, Crys, I don't know what to say..."

"Oh, yes you do, Roseanne, you always got something to say!"

What the hell does she want me to do? Go to her house, shake her hand and say "Congratulations, you're a moron!"

"Listen," I say taking a deep breath. "It's all going to be okay. Stop your crying, take a deep breath."

I hear her breathing through the phone. It doesn't do much good because she starts wailing in my ear again. I'm going to sue her for breaking my eardrum, I swear. I decide enough is enough and quietly hang up on her. It wouldn't be the first time and it's not going to be the last beacuse she's stupid. Oh, speaking of stupid, I see my sister pounding on the door.

"Open up, Rose, it's freezing out!"

"Hold your horses, sis! I'm coming!"

"Gosh," she says when I let her in. "It's freezing out!"

"Well, geez sis, it's January in Illinois! Did you expect seventy degrees and sun? This ain't California."

"Well, you're in a good mood," she says sarcastically while taking off her coat.

"Sorry, Jackie," I sigh. I guess I do have to tone myself down. "I just was talking to Crystal..."

"She called you too?"

"Yeah. Frigging wailing and carrying on. What the crap! Stresses me out, all her drama."

"I know. That's why I stopped by. I could use some junk food after talking with her. So I figure since I was coming anyway..."

"The candy's in the pantry drawer you big mooch."

"Thanks!"

She happily waltzes into my kitchen like she owns the place. I can seriously see why Dan gets annoyed with her sometimes. I always said she's like my fourth kid. No wait, I got Dan, so yeah, my fifth kid. I hear the phone ring and I bet it's Chrystal.

"Oh, Jack, can you get that? It's dad he said he's call," I lie while taking my place on the sofa. This could be a while. She gets all excited and runs to the phone. She loves her daddy, she does. I knew that one would get her.

"Oh, hey Crystal," she says unpleasantly into the phone. I turn around and laugh in her face as she gives me the evil eye. Hey, you want my candy, you pay the price!


End file.
